If someone is in such a fortunate position that they meet all the conditions to apply for the aptitude test, they only have to ask for an appointment with the RCPS of their place of residence. However, Noémi and Ádám weren’t that lucky, they had to make certain preparations in order to start the application at all and not start at a disadvantage right away. The series is about a couple living in Hungary, so it presents the adoption system of Hungary. This is what Noémi Szabó tells us about in the 6th part of the series.

The decision

If you still remember, Part 1 of our story left off in summer 2020 when we started to learn about adoption in detail – along with learning more about ourselves and our prejudices. Ádám became more and more accepting and open to the subject, accepted that I wanted it, and became more and more able to imagine and place himself in this new situation. Since it is possible for us to have children naturally, we did not abandon that path either, but we also wanted to give a chance to adopting a child (or maybe two).

Not only did the two us think about it, but we also discussed with our family what they were thinking about the idea.

My mom was extremely supportive, she too always thought of adoption as a relevant option; obviously, my own open attitude also stems from her. Her first sentences in this regard included, “You could try to adopt a black girl!” :) Unfortunately, I had to explain her that in Hungary, it is not possible to get a child from abroad.

Ádám’s mother was much more surprised. She didn’t really know a lot about the procedure, so she never considered that this was also an option and that this is exactly what we would prefer. It was a little harder to explain her that although in theory we could have a biological child, I still prefer the solution without childbirth. Then we told her more and more about it, explained how the system works, and she became more and more accepting to the idea. She accepted our decision and assured that she would support us and stand by us. :)

We also started sharing our plans with our closest friends. We haven’t gotten to the end of this yet because we have a lot of friends (we could only meet a few of them at the time because of the virus) and it’s hard to bring up the topic in an average conversation – we’re still learning how to do that. However, those who we talked to about this gave all positive feedback. Of course, they were surprised, at first, they didn’t really understand our reasons, but then they fully accepted and supported us.

Marriage

Because we knew about the process and slowness of adoption, we knew being a married couple would be a benefit. We didn’t want to wait even more years for a child because as singles, only one of us could get the aptitude certification. Before this, marriage wasn’t among our plans, not because we opposed it, we just didn’t think about it and didn’t consider it important. However, we now had an incentive to do this. That was back in summer. By then, we would have had a hard time organizing our wedding (because we had agreed before that if we were to do it, we would do it properly and have everyone there) for the fall. So, it was scheduled for spring – on the one hand, to have it as soon as possible, and on the other hand, we didn’t want to have it in the heat of the summer.

After discussing these and making a decision, Adam also “officially” proposed to me. We announced it in front of our family and friends that our wedding will be in the spring. But at the end of summer, the spring of 2021 still seemed very distant. We didn’t want to drag out our application for adoption so much. So came the decision: let’s do it on paper sooner.

By law, we must apply at the registrar at least 30 days in advance and declare our intention to marry there before we can set a date. After a few days of phone calls, we had to realize that all the free time slots in Budapest (each municipality has one or two days a week when you can get married for free) are full in the coming months. But then a kind and conscientious administrator suggested we call registrars in the agglomeration; they must have more free time slots. And they did! So, in the first days of September, we were able to go to Csömör to express our intention, and we also got an appointment for October 6th. We got two witnesses and that day we went (during our working hours) to our official wedding :) One of the conditions is checked.

(Of course, a very large majority of those invited to the May wedding don’t know about this, they think that the ceremony there will be our first one – please don’t tell them! :))

Another obstacle: declared place of residence

We went to the RCPS a few days before getting married, and we got an appointment in person a month and a half later (and that supposedly counts as good). However, during the telephone conversation, it turned out that our administrator (to whom we were assigned according to our place of residence) insists that our residence, i.e., the address of the apartment we rent, be indicated on our residence card. It went against everything we knew so far. In all the books, blogs, even in the Starter Group, we have seen / heard that it is not obligatory to indicate our actual place of residence on our residence card (we are both registered to our mom’s place as a permanent residence).

Source: pxhere.com

This caused a problem, because our landlady had not allowed us to register her apartment as our residence so far. We didn’t know if she would be more accepting now, even though our relationship with her was very good. We did not want to move because of this, but we were aware that it could be the other solution. The next time we met, we told the owner what our plans were and that we needed the residence declared. Luckily, since she likes us too, she allowed it. This, of course, started an avalanche of legal proceedings, but we worked together (the landlady and her husband also helped us) on the solution, until we finally received the long-awaited pink documents from them, filled out and signed.

Once again, during our working hours (lucky to be in flexible home office), we made a pilgrimage to the office of government-issued documents at our pre-booked time, where we were told that it was not the owner but the beneficiary who should have signed our papers – great! This was the Friday before our RCPS appointment, so we knew we wouldn’t have the right residence card when going to start the aptitude process.

My meltdowns

Then I was completely upset, crying during the whole bus ride back home. But Ádám called our administrator at the RCPS to find out if we could start the process without it. Fortunately, we were given the opportunity to confirm the address later.

And then there’s something I didn’t even tell you yet: that our first appointment to the RCPS, which was scheduled for mid-November, went up in smoke because of the virus. We had just fallen ill, so we had to cancel. Instead, we got a new one scheduled for early December. At that time too I flipped out– then again, to adopt is not an easy road :)

In the next part, I will write about what our first time was like at the RCPS, what parameters we’ve chosen and why, what early attachment means, and how the county and national list works.

Source of featured image: unsplash.com

Translation by Ágnes Sturcz

 

18330cookie-checkAfter the Decision: Preparing to Apply – The Child Who Does Not Resemble His Parents Part 6